Dramatic, yes?  Perhaps a little bit, at least in the way I’ve expressed it.  But true?  Definitely.

As soon as there is a whiff of obligation about pretty much any relationship, what happens?

The death of freedom, excitement, engagement, and JOY.

Think of friendships, family relationships, and work relationships.  As soon as one person says to another, “The least you could do is…” or “If you loved me, you would…”  it becomes clear that the relationship suffers a kind of spiritual arthritis – a calcification and stiffening of the joints.  No one can live with that affliction very long.

The same is true of our relationship to music or art.  When students talk to me about how long they “should” practice, I feel we are in dangerous territory.  My aim, both as a creator myself and as a teacher of others, is to ensure that we keep going.  Why?  Because I believe that all the rewards, the epiphanies, the growth happens slowly over time.  We need to stay in the game long enough to see what can happen.  So when someone looks for a “should” around practice, I do my best to delicately re-direct them to a new way of considering the question.

Here’s what I tell them:

Touch your instrument every day.  That is your only commitment.  It can be for as short or as long as you like.  But the point of this is that you’re building a relationship with the instrument and with the art itself (and also, it should be said, with yourself as a practicer of that art).

Make it a pleasure.  Whatever you need to do to shift from obligation to pleasure, do it.  For me, my time at the piano or harp is a “get to” rather than a “have to.”  I snatch moments throughout the day between other activities because I know it will fill up my well of inspiration and help me to feel whole, sane, and kind.  Pleasure is a powerful motivator – maybe the best of all motivators!  Play the pieces you like, do the fun exercises, please your own ears and fingers and heart.

If you really want to do something and yet you struggle with actually doing it, here’s the secret:  Make it delicious.

We all love and long for freedom.  When we re-cast relationships of all kinds so that they grow out of freedom, they breathe, flourish, and generally – keep going.

I’d love to hear what you think about obligation and freedom in art and in life.  Have you ever left something behind because it felt too confining?  Have you found a good way to keep alive that zest and energy that are the hallmarks of freedom in a relationship with a person, a situation, or an art you practice?