Over many years, I’ve become something of an “essay whisperer,” helping kids write that all-important and much-dreaded college application essay. Sometimes parents ask me how I got their extremely writing-averse kid to actually write and even to feel excited about it. Here’s how:

  • I pay attention to their ideas.
  • I ask lots of questions and I really listen to their answers.
  • I treat them as a young colleague and assume they want to learn. They always do.

I love to help young writers – reluctant or eager – create an essay that feels true and important for them and which they’re proud to send in with their application. It’s pure happiness to witness a kid astonish him or herself. “Do you like it?” I ask. “I love it,” they say, eyes aglow. New confidence, new self-knowledge – it’s beautiful.

Today it strikes me that writers of any age can use this approach by stepping into the position of self-mentor and writing coach. Here’s how to apply it that way:

  • Notice your own ideas. Notice that you are having them. Pay attention to that animation that announces an idea or even a hunch. Value it. Write it down or capture it in some way.
  • Pose questions to yourself and really listen to the answers. The best questions are open-ended and positive: What do I already know about this? What do I truly believe? What feels most important? What would I love to share?
  • Treat yourself as a writer worthy of respect. Afford yourself dignity. See the worthiness of your effort, your desire to learn and grow. (And for an extra gold star, give yourself what you need to do your work. That might be a decent laptop, a box of good pens, an hour of quiet…)

Our brains love to think. Our hearts love to communicate. Writing is natural and everyone – yes, everyone – has important insights to share.

If you want to write, let me encourage you here. You can unlock your own genius, you can bring about miracles of self-discovery and insight, and you can help other people by sharing what you learn and what you love. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

You can do this, my friend. I promise: you can write.